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Oct. 24th, 2009 | 03:41 pm
mood: blah blah

Friend Quiz on Facebook keeps asking me if I think Jace is cute. I keep skipping the question.

I'm talking to Sam on meebo.

Babysitting tonight.


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A few things.

Oct. 24th, 2009 | 07:52 am
mood: thoughtful thoughtful

Heey, long time no see. Haven't really been in the journal mood, if you know what I mean. I haven't been on here in weeks.

Anyway, I've been doing a bit of apologizing. Mostly to Sam because I know I've hurt her the most. I wish I could do over the past few weeks, f'real. I've been kind of a jerk without realizing it, so I sent a long apology on facbook because I don't know when the next good time would have been. Plus I wanted to tell her ASAP, you know? That was the most important apology that I've done recently.

I sort of did a silent apology to Megan the other night and gave her a big hug. I had been feeling really upset because I realized I didn't have enough compassion for people in my life, and I was ready to change. So I prayed about it, and suddenly I felt this urge to go hug Megan. So I did and she said that she had needed that. It was cool :)

Then with my parents, another silent apology. I've been trying not to get riled up when my mom asks me to do something or when my parents yell at me because they decided that I'm a lazy good-for-nothing slob who does nothing around the house because I'm dumb. I guess I've kind of had a bad attitude toward them for a while, and so I asked God for help with that. I'm getting better, I suppose.

Then I felt bad because I was talking to Liz and Sara at youth group about prayer concerns for like...a long time. And Jace tried to tell me goodbye twice, and I completely ignored him. I didn't even hear him at all. Then I texted him and was like, "You didn't even say goodbye!" because I thought he had just left, and I was a little aggravated (getting more minutes asap). And he sounded either upset or mad when he texted me back to tell me I was too busy with Liz and Sara and I ignored him. Felt like a jerk. So I apologized and he was like, "It's fine." Urgh.

So yeah. Lots of  changing going on. Can't back track now, nope.

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Sep. 30th, 2009 | 09:55 pm
mood: okay okay

Stupid chem lab paper.

Stupid school.

wish I could sleep forever.

And ever. And ever.

Not really. Maybe just for a day. Or maybe not. Maybe just until I wasn't tired anymore (which seems like never, really).

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Complaining about boy crap. While doing Chemistry.

Sep. 29th, 2009 | 09:35 pm
mood: working working
music: Hello Seattle - Owl City

Hurg. I get all happy at school and when I come home it vanishes.

Stupid boy problems. I can't even convey how much I like that boy. I'm so way beyond the, "Oh, he's cute, and I'd like to date him" stuff. It's more like the, "Hm, I can see myself falling in love with him if I get the chance" thing. Like the, "I just want to hug him and hold his hand FOREVERRR."

I'm obsessed, I swear. It's like, every 5 minutes his name races through my mind. I can't help it. I seriously can't.

Can't say that I dislike this anymore. At first I was like, "I wish I didn't like him, blah blah blah." I've actually gotten to the point where I'm enjoying liking him this much. Weird, I know.

I talked to my mother civilly about it today. Surprised me. It's so much easier being able to talk to her about boys without her being obnoxious. I think it's because I'm a serious Christian now and I'm almost 16 (well....6 more months, really.). She asked me if I thought he liked me back. I said I don't know. 'Cause I seriously don't know. He's so hard to read D: A very enigmatic person in some ways. I said it would be nice though. She asked if he was a devoted Christian, and I said yes, and she said maybe it wasn't the time for that (cue cliche Hall mom phrase). I agreed. He's really caught up with grades and colleges. Poor kid was so worried for the past couple of weeks. I prayed a lot for him. (among other people) : ( He's finally picked something he wants to do. He finally found out what God's call on his life is, and now he has to find out which college is meant for him.

Hope it's VFCC, 'cause that's the one God's telling me to go to. I really hope it's VFCC. I hope I hope I hope.

It's so dumb. This is just an added worry. Really, if I didn't have boy angst, then my moods wouldn't be so weird. You can probably just assume if I'm being grumpy or upset or something it's boy angst. Hate angsting.

I've taken to angsting in my written journal where no one can see it. It's one of those things that I'd rather keep to myself. That way I can go freely on about him. It's so obnoxious when I read it back to myself.

I can see why everyone hates it.

Argh. Stop me if I talk too much about it. I don't want to be like Regina where EVERYTHING is related to the guy she likes. Argh.

It's just so infuriating. And lovely at the same time. Such a girl.

And for the record, I'm not on my period. So....it's not freaking girl hormones. Ugh, I hate that excuse.

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Music Video

Sep. 27th, 2009 | 08:32 pm
mood: creative creative

So I REALLY wanna do a music video for Hot Air Balloon by Owl City.

It would consist of most of my friends, I think. Hopefully. They would be:

Sam C
Sam L
Sam A
(maybe) Anna

If they want to (I really hope they do!) I wanna make a feel good music video for the song 'cause it's all about friendship and having fun. I want to center it around happy-go-lucky stuff, and us acting sorta like little kids but just having loads of fun.

Like, the song talks about running race tracks around kitchen chairs and fighting the shadows from the basement stairs. I have lots of cute little ideas for video clips and stuff that could turn out great. I want the intro to be all of us holding hands or something and walking down the street (I'd arrange it so everyone was holding hands with someone that they're comfortable with) together.

I wanted to do the fighting off shadows thing with us using kitchen utensils as weapons and armor and charging someone's dark basement steps. 

I also wanna do the chorus where everyone takes a line and lip sings it to the music, so our heads are moving in and out of the camera view with each line. It's hard to explain without demonstrating.

I also wanted to do something where two people are playing patty cake in the part where it's like....a rift with music and then clapping. I thought it would be funny if there was an intense game going on or something.

Lots of little ideas, and I hope everyone wants to do it (pleeasseee!) because....I really wanna do it.

Christmas Song - Owl City. Best. Song. Ever. SRSLY.

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Sep. 27th, 2009 | 02:36 pm
mood: exanimate exanimate

Urgh. So yesterday I was just being silly. I'm just letting it roll. I'm not thinking too far ahead right now because I need to focus on the here and now.

God's got my back, so no worries.

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My problems escalate?

Sep. 27th, 2009 | 01:20 am
mood: impressed impressed
music: Owl City - Fireflies

Ugh, freaking weird day.

Well, last night, I went to youth group, and it was okay. Just okay. We all chilled and it was fun, but as stated before, I'm completely weird around the same gender, and Jace seemed a little down. Plus he's sick.

So I got home and I was texting Sammeh, and then he texted me and was all like, "You okay?" because he'd noticed I was down. Dude. I had a fool proof mask going on there. Was almost completely happy-go-lucky. Kid can read me like an open book, and I have no clue how he did it. I was like, "Not really. Could you tell?" He said, "Yeah, what's wrong? You played it off well though." But...like, later he was talking, and he said he was thinking about Pensacola for college. Wanna know where Pensacola is?


So, I was naturally like, "NOOOOOOO!" but I didn't say that. I was realistic about it. And so naturally today I was bummed because...you know...if he went to Florida for college that's like, "Ya, kthxbi. No relashuns 4 lei lei." That would give me like....2 months to potentially go out with him. Yah no.

So, he's not going to Pensacola now, but he still wants to go to this one college in Florida. The thing is, I'm not really as bummed as I was about it now. I was talking to Mariah and him simultaneously while I was babysitting with Anna (she was like half asleep by this time anyway) and some things came to light.

He wants to be a missionary. I asked him if he was thinking about local work or overseas, and he said that he didn't think he could handle overseas but if God moved then who was he to question Him? And I thought that was a very mature statement, and I'm really proud of him. I really hope it's overseas.

So that made me happy and bummed at the same time. I was really hoping he'd be into missionary work too because...I'm....you know...hopeless. I mean, Mom's all like, "Dating is trying people out to see if you want to marry them." and so I have that mentality now. I keep thinking about the future, and I mean...I have to. It's coming up quickly.

I was just...I dunno. I asked Mariah if he could possibly be, and I hesitate to use the grossest term in world history, "The One". I used the biggest MAYBE in world history as well. And I was like, "I'm trying not to jump too far ahead, but I've been thinking a lot about life after high school. Why would God have allowed us to meet if something wasn't meant to happen?"

She answered in a way that made me laugh, "I'm not very sure. I wouldn't really think he would be for you. I think you could do so much better. I'm sure he's a really nice guy, but he has talking problems. Hahaha. But I don't really know. I don't really know him that well of know enough about you guys to know."

So I said that he had major issues when it came to texting sometimes, but in person he's fine. I also told her about how today my mom said she trusted him and also his mom completely. That's high praise from my mother. I said a few other things too but I can't remember now.

She told me to keep focusing on God and not to jump too far ahead. God might be showing me all of this now to practice patience. Right now just pray about it, and He'll answer. It was perfect advice at that moment, so now I feel a little better.

What are the odds that he'd be into missionary work too? I feel like he's going to be overseas. I just have a feeling. And I don't think I'm just making it up lulz.

But it's still so far away. Florida :(

And...I'm just silly. ARGH.

I hate feeling silly.

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Someone hit me over the head with a blunt object, please.

Sep. 22nd, 2009 | 08:51 pm
mood: frustrated frustrated
music: SHUT UP.

I'd rather be covered in horse poo than be in the situation I'm in AT THIS MOMENT. Supposed to be writing a paper for Gilgs due tomorrow that I don't have any idea how to start, supposed to be arranging SYATP at the very last minute, supposed to be doing math homework that I couldn't do earlier, supposed to be studying for Chem that I don't understand, supposed to be getting a shower for tomorrow, supposed to be going to bed early to get up early tomorrow, and I'm definitely not supposed to be sitting here writing this.

But I am. D:

I'm learning the dangers of last minute crap, and I'm also learning the benefits of planning things out. Such as....not dying of annoyance and stressed-out-edness. That might be the cause of death on my hospital papers tomorrow.


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Sep. 16th, 2009 | 05:14 pm
mood: pissed off pissed off

I really hate living in my house when my dad decides it's Act Like A Jerk Day. It's been Act Like A Jerk Day for two days now. The longest streak was a week. I hate it.

All they do is argue lately, and school is horrible. I'd like my life to be over sometimes.

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Sep. 14th, 2009 | 06:11 am
mood: recumbent recumbent

It's like...6 o'clock, yo. Usually I'm not ready this early. This is a little annoying.

Umm. I started doing my homework yesterday and then I couldn't remember how to do the geometry, so I went on to read my history chapter. I fell asleep for 2 straight hours in the middle of it. It was pretty hardcore. I woke up and my stomach hurt in a weird way. It was queasy, but it was just weird.

So, that was basically the most interesting part of my day that no one knows about.

And I went upstairs last night and the balloons lost their floatishness already. Stupid helium fairies.

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